I'm so fucking centered right now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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