I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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