The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
