I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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