Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
