hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
