so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
