After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
