So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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