The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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