Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize