You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
