Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
