just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
