You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
