1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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