Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
