Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
