last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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