i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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