she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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