planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
