I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
