drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
