We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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