well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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