She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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