chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
