I think I am morally bankrupt
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
