Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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