Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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