Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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