dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
