Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So squirting runs in the family.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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