I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
