sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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