Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
