If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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