people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
