i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
