How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize