I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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