We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
