i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
