just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
