His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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