Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize