I wish I could punch you in the face.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
