i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
