Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
