some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
