i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
