i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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