what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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