you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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