Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
