Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
