you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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