Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
