You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
