maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
