Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize