There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
