Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
