I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
