I wanna bring you to show and tell
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
