who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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