I CAN MOONWALK!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
