Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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